Of Twisted Chains and Delusions
by Daydreamer1412
Summary: "A helpful ominous wind blew by at that moment, only increasing his melodramatics. Why didn't he just ask the question? Because he liked his limbs? Great, now he was arguing with himself. The stupid ring was burning a hole in his pocket and his mind." SxR


Yes, yes, I know I should be updating my other stories, but this plunnie kept nibbling on my ear at night. And it was just too much fun to pass up.

For those of you who were here when this was first published on Monday, I assure you that I really didn't tamper with this story much.

But I must his my thanks to the ever awesome ylvglo-San for kindly pointing out my grammar mistakes, and being the first reviewer! Cookies for you!

That's all from me. Hope you enjoy reading this as I'd did writing it! Oh, and important A/N at the end, so stick around!

Crack Warning: At no costs take this too seriously. Meant for a laugh, so lighten up! ;D

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><p>There it was. His destination. The place he had practically lived in during his two childhoods, the second literally. This place always held a special spot in his heart. It had been home to many secrets and lies, but also the birthplace of many beginnings. He hoped to open yet another chapter of his life here. Detective Mouri Agency. A helpful ominous wind decided to blow by at that moment matching his mood, melodramatically tussling his hair and serving only to help Shinichi's already apprehensive, foreboding nerves.<p>

Great. Now he was getting histrionic to add to the mix of his jacked thought pattern. Better remember to thank Mom for those inherited genes. Fat lot of good they were doing him now.

Well, so what if he was! Men with far greater wills had been brought to their knees for this event, in more ways than one. He was fine! Of course that what he said now, before he was reduced to a babbling, feeble mess on the outside to coincide with what lay within. Better check bipolar off the list too.

The damn ring was burning a hole in his pocket and his mind.

'_I must look rather pathetic,'_ Shinichi mused. '_Standing here like it's the hallway across from the execution room. That, or a morbidly depressed stalker._'

He was glumly observing a single silvery light was shining through one of the front windows. Every few moments the light would change color. At the times the light would launch into what seemed to be a symphony of rapid colors, a defined human shadow would be cast and grow larger as it rose, and would venture into the adjacent window/room for a few moments before it returned and decreased in stature. An offhanded inference told the fresh young tantei that the figure was watching a marathon of sorts, and was fairly well into it due to the sluggish and reluctant movement. Such a wide stature doesn't match up to its residents, so the large body cast is due to oversized clothing, probably the specified blue striped "Movie Wear". He had to admit it was stupid place to put the chocolate covered strawberries and macaroons on the arm of the couch though- the dent he made last week would land onto the green laundry and old beaten up calculus textbook.

…Heaven forbid he train his talents again, he WOULD make an awesome undercover cop. Or stalker. Whatever paid more. His now blue tinged hand loudly found its way to his forehead in a satisfying smack. His thoughts, a panicked squirrel turning in circles in its little wheel. And now that simile was making things worse. Maybe it was best to go back to the original question- why was he out here when he should be in there asking the question?

He answered his question aloud. "Because there's a fair chance that their answer is unfavorable, which would suck, and above else their reaction. And I'm in no rush to a painful, kicky death."

…Hopefully no one heard that. Maybe all those blows to the head as a child finally got to him.

But on the other hand he HAD waited a respectable amount of time for this. It took some common sense and deep grounding of self-preservation beliefs to restrain him from asking after taking the antidote, and even more after graduation. But NOOOOO, being the gentleman and pansy he was, he opted to hold off till both of them finished college and a steady career, not that it took much doing. College with those other idiots was another story though….

He was a fresh, young but experienced detective, twenty-five, and her eight-year old boyfriend, and heaven knows how he achieved that for so long without dying yet. This was DECADES coming. And by Holmes he was going to get an answer, desirable or not! Hopefully with all his limbs intact. He figured he had a 60-40 chance. So the odds were technically in his favor. He gave one last reproachful glance at the inviting, frozen, deserted, sub zero weather landscape and swore softly. Curse him and his pride.

* * *

><p>The walk up the stairs was unfortunately brief. Shinichi was still somewhat accustomed to a much longer climb for his time as Conan. Upon seeing the door soon than expected and hoped, he almost long for Conan again, knowing what disaster may lie inside. Almost. He had done disaster before.<p>

He gripped the door handle and twisted it. The room inside was badly lit. What little light there was, Shinichi could tell it was a perfect pigsty. A snort of imprudence escaped his mouth. '_Well that makes sense. Eri-obasan is off researching a case for the week and Ran hadn't cleaned there in years.'_

Outstretching his arms for balance in the case of an unplanned spill, Shinichi maneuvered into the main room in search of an occupant, occasionally bumping into was piles of laundry and plates of half-finished instant ramen cups among regular furniture. His foot crushed under something weak and metallic sounding. Even though he hadn't been here in months, by touch alone he could feel nothing had changed. He entered the front clientele room.

"Mouri-han. It has been a while," he said in an even, cordial voice, and gave a small bow for good measure.

The Great Sleeping Kogoro grunted in what could have been a greeting. After an annoyed mumbling into his beer can, he flicked the off his well received Christmas VCR. "Kudo." He rumbled, voice husky but with purpose. "What are you doing here?"

So… He wasn't drunk. Tipsy at best. "Uh, how are you?"

"Whadda ya want brat? Hurry up. I can only pause for 30 minutes."

…And he had his wits about him. Which is just… wonderful. Heaven forbid he ask the man who raised Ran for the majoity of their lived for her hand while he was intoxicated. But a little drink might make breaking the new easier for the both of them. In retrospect it may not have been the best decision to bring up the subject of marriage at 8:47 PM alone with a sleepy, tipsy, overprotective father who taught his daughter the Judo flip. At Least he told Hattori. He'd be able to find the corpse. _'Smart move meitantei. Get killed in some friggin back alley. I can see it now- "Kudo Shinichi murdered- Sleeping Kogoro prime suspect!"_'

_'Shut up moron!'_ He shot back at his head in his head, which was all in his head, of course.

_'And now I just gave myself headache. I can really be an idiot sometimes._' Before Shinichi could defend himself against himself, Kogoro made a growl-like grunt. It didn't take a detective to know he meant business. He cleared his throat, which suddenly felt really tight and declared, "I need to ask you something."

His reaction time was in fine form as well. "What?" Shinichi glared at the can, as if willing the inept drunkard just to take just one more sip.

No point in beating around the bush. He needed to stand up for the both of them. Summoning the confidence near arrogance that had never truly died in his teen years, he proposed, "Mouri-han, I would like to ask you for your daughter's hand in marriage."

Kogoro stared at him for a moment. Then he flicked off the TV. without ever breaking his eerily focused gaze that now had a wise quality to them. It more or less ordered him to continue. So he did. "I feel I have waited a fair amount of time to consider marriage, and the decision was not made lightly. We have known each other for 18 years, and been going out for the past 8. I can support the both of us, and I have health, house, car and life insurance. I'll pay for the dress and-"

"Stop."Kogoro raised a hand, and Shinichi immediately shut up. The older man rose to his full height, equal to the younger man's (he'd dare not call him shorter) "Just stop. I don't care about any of that.

Oh ****

He staggered closer, apparently drunker than Shinichi thought, and his cheeks were tinged pink. Facing the sour scent of cheap whiskey, he tried to get a solid picture of one of ochan's better moments; all he got was a near deadly family dinner and pain. In the head. Oh, the throbbing pain in the head. It may have been his life looking back on it. Were that the case, then he saw WAY too much of the man. And he seemed to be cursed. He opted to submit to his punchy, kicky demise, but at the very least he would change his mental image. The last picture every engraved in his mind may as well be pleasant, so Ran was the obvious choice. What a lovely choice too….

"You look like a drinking man." ...Or he could be stone drunk. Whatever floats your boat.

'_...Hah?'_

"Hah?"

Kogoro ignored him, instead circling him like a vulture.

He zoned into what the idiot had asked, and not caring for his tone of voice- ochan would be too drunk to notice anyway, he answered, "No Mouri-han, I am not a lightweight. I just choose not to drink often." Which was true- how many times had he seen some poor fool screwed over when hammered?

"' I just choose not to drink often." Kogoro mimicked in a painfully high falsetto voice. "Do I honestly look like an idiot to you?"

'_Do you honestly want me to answer that?_' Trying to keep his face far from his cynic thoughts, he instead painted it with a look of surprise, and mixed in a little hurt as well. Those lessons with Kuroba had paid off after all. "No Mouri-han, I'm just afraid you aren't making very much sense to me. You must be tired from all those cases lately." All the lessons in the world couldn't have hid the sarcasm in the praise.

For once the glory hound didn't react to a complement. "So you would never drink if you were married Ran." It was a question turned statement.

"Every now and then, yes, but I don't see how this-"

"AHA!" Kogoro crowed, from his recent perch on top of his desk. Shinichi could only blink and curse himself for not eloping. "Detective work is a stressful business you know. And you being the unstable ignorant punk you are wouldn't know how to deal with women. So why for all that is good in this world would I let you become a wife beater to my Ran?"

"What the *fladoodle* old man?" An overall flood of anger flooded his before apprehension and sarcasm. "Ran is the single most important person in my existence! I would NEVER touch your daughter! This I swear to you."

'_...At_ _least, not in the way you're thinking…'_ Ack. Unhealthy thoughts. BAD. Damn hormone fairies…

"If you had one particularly difficult case, how easy would it be to resort to domestic violence? You do not know how to relive yourself! So tell me- you get three guesses- WHAT will make all the stress go –hic- away?"

_'This rambling fool….is my future father in law. What a scary thought.'_ He sighed. It was going to be a long night. "I'm going to go out on a limb and say alcohol?"

"Correct! A natural Holmes!" A hazy sneer. "Now, can you or can you not HOLD YOUR LIQUOR?"

Against his better judgment of just leaving right then and coming back when Kogoro was sober and memory less, Shinichi snapped, "Yes, I can hold it!"

"I-hic-don't believe you!"

"I can."

"Cannot."

"I can."

"Cannot!"

"I can!

"CANNOT!"

"I CAN!"

Dear lord, was he serious getting into a can/cannot argument with a grown man? BEING a grown man? This was utterly ridiculous- he was being ridiculous. He should just come back tomorrow. Shinichi sighed again- seemed like he was doing that too often. He really couldn't put this off any longer. His parents were completely on his case, Kuroba was dropping none too subtle "hints" with a bit of magic, all of Ran's female friends threatened him with bodily harm if he didn't get a move on, he himself refuses to let his braving of Eri's interrogation go to waste, and Hattori. Even HATTORI suggested that he'd pop the question already! It was just plain sad.

Something came though through Kogoro's rambling, "Ew unt to mavvy mah –hic- dogtarp?"

It would be redundant to uphold the politeness now. He would be too drunk to remember any of this anyway. "Yes, I just said I did!"

"Then the great Mouri Kogoro demands you take a test!"

Shinichi's face instantly lit up. A test? This was getting somewhere, not to mention interesting. "What sort of test?"

"Come." He drawled in what would have been an intimidating tone if he's been sober. "I'll –hic- get the keys." Finishing the last swig of his store brand beer, he buttoned his shirt incorrectly and stode confidently toward the door pantsless and all, but not before an impromptu swooning rescue of one Kudo Shinichi.

Swallowing his pride with a spork, The Savior of the Japanese Police Force supported Kogoro, bracing both the effects of what he was about to say, and the sticking scent of cheap alcohol, he said, in his smooth tenor, "Don't bother Ochan. Where to?"

"I'll be telling you were smartass, so don't tell me where!"

"Yes, Ochan, whatever you say." He supposed it was only fair; Ran waited a year for him, he had a day with Ochan. At this point he was seriously considering her having a better deal.

"TO THE BAR!"

Yep. Totally duped.

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><p>Shinichi prided himself in many things; His intellect, agility, detective reasoning skill and self control. So why, for the love of Holmes, was he sitting in this shady a hole in the wall late at night with the 50 something waitress look at him funny with a drunkard I'll just have to lug hom? He was buzzing-probably from Feeling he was 20 years younger and as about as manly, on the lonelier side of the bar he sipped on his third orange juice and absentmindedly watched the TV.<p>

Yoko's shoe buckle was yellow while her flutter sleeves were pink this episode. A cheerful combination, really.

"Yo bozu!" Even though he was a far cry from that (Ran may have disagreed) Kogoro was still inclined to the pet name, if one could call it that. Kogoro broke away from his rowdy group of friends to join Shinichi at the adjacent seat. "Enjoying your drink?" Shinichi just grunted in agreement. He nodded to his beloved Youko-chan."Ain't she pretty?

"Mmm."

"This place is real nice, huh?"

"Ner."

"Margaritas are good right?"

The young adult glared up from his drink. Could he not have a bloody cup of OJ in freaking peace? Might as well get the idiotic questionnaire over and done with. He would regret his use of the entire Japanese language later. Another sip. "Eh, I dunno. Never tried it." His voice caught at the last syllable.

The reply was a albeit deranged grin and something of a school girls giggle.

His reaction time was almost embarrassing. "You… spiked my drink!"

Kogoro giggled again. " I couldn't have you pansying out now, can I?"

"…Isn't that illegal?" Funny- his head vision was goin' an blurry and stuff.

The elder waved him off, but it looked more like an arm spasm. "Naw. Just needed you ta be a bit more limber."

"Lying b******." He swore, but felt like he should be angrier. Eh, whatever. Another swig-like sip.

Out of nowhere the bartender appeared next to them in champagne colored robes. It completely contrasted on his widespread acne, but he was at the very least double the age of Shinichi. On one of those annoying _Hello! My Name Is_ tags under a scribbled mass of sharpie was the name Henko."So Kogoro-chan," the bartender started in honorific way too familiar to be a onetime encounter, "Who's the pretty boy?" His whitehead at the base of his nose seemed to fester.

"Never mind that ya idiot! Give him a Twisted Chain!"

Henko's face lit up in surprise and recognition at the specialty drink, then seemed pleased. He elbowed Shinichi in the ribs. "Whoa! Who's the lucky ojo-san?" he asked him as he jumped the table and began to wipe down a dusty looking glass.

"My daughter, IF he –hic- he finishes it!"

"Ohhhh. In that case, you better not screw this one up, bozu. Now, which three will it be?"

Through the increasing fuzziness, Shinichi managed a sound of confusion. "I… Don't get it."

"Pfft. That's a first."

"Guess you haven't straightened yours out yet, huh bozu!" He guffawed and ruffled his hair, much to Shinichi's irritation. He slurred even more as he took breaks between sentences for another swig of who knows what, "Y'see, love is like a chain right? Starts off with little links, as ya put on more it gets longer and stronger, right? Ain't that the same thing as marriage? 'Bout binding and unbrakeableness and stuff? But uh, as we ALL know it gets all con- contred- messed up. So twas borned da Twisted Chain- 'cos of that stuff. Whenever a new sucker- I mean fiancé comes in they're supposed to take a Twisted Chain, which is a mixed drink of three, with a little wine. The three drinks are supposta sym-scnoz-snyo- stand for different parts of your life- hard, sweet, or bitter, that you're bringing in, and what might have twisted your chain. But if ya can finish it all without stopping, your chain'll be straight and you will be all happy and junk. Yo Lee gimme a Tequila!" After he received the new shot he downed it without a second look. Once he was done he looked back at Shinichi with a half-crazed smile. "Almost like one of those Silva Bull things."

Upon recognition of the drink, the 25 year old smiled too; it very nearly cut his head in half. "A Silver Bullet, you say?"

"Ya huh. Real popular. Like this one tiem a couple of years back, the news was all playing about this-"

"Enough talk!" Kogoro hiccupped. "Pick the damn drinks!"

"Keep your panties on Ochan!" Well that was strange. His words felt more garbled than usual. But never mind that. The whole Twisted Chain thing sounded cool. Ran would probably like it- she like that sentimental crap. And this would get him on Ochan's good side. He observed the specialty drink glass. Although it was disorted like its namesake with lots of small tubes and stuff, it liquid level was made up for by the sheer height of it. What could that be, like 50 ounces? he was good at holding his liquor, but if he had to do this without stopping... well who knew?

_'But, since I handled the margarita so well, this can't be much worse. What could possibly go wrong?_' In the end, his flawless reasoning won out- his planning was perfect. Shinichi's smile grew to a sardonic smirk. His crappy excuse of humor would get him killed one day.

"I'll have a Twisted Chain mix of Gin, Vermouth and Sherry, please."

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><p>After that first drink, the so called "perfect plan" went to hell. The great Kudo Shinichi's flawless recollection skills were drowned in pools of rum and coke, a nice strawberry daiquiri, some shots of Hapsburg, a tiny drop something he couldn't exactly identfy, or was even sure was legal, and a fruity Sangria, along with his logic, common sense, and whatever pathetic amount of dignity he had left.<p>

But it WAS a Liquid Gold...

Later he would be able to cling to some memories. A bachelor dance in his honor, a rousing game of beer pong and quarters, and ode to Ran, cutesy of the fiancee himself, (to be fair, they were too stoned too notice their ears bleeding, and he was on par with Youko, in his opinion) the bull-riding marathon he'd won, and there terrrible ache in his... thing afterwords.

Oh, and Ran. She was there. That was the fuzziest of them all.

As far as Shinichi knew, or anyone else, for that matter, it was a something like a bull bursting through the door hell bent to find the poor fool who was the matador. Ran and someone else had searched the packed bar with intensity of a drill drill sergeant.

Once he made eye contact though a slightly blurry gaze, (He was NOT drunk. Tipsy at best) most of the few words he was able to think in his head were unprintable for several reasons.

He should really stop hanging out with Nakamori-keibu.

Anyway, he soon to be fiancee made a beeline toward the side of the bar where Kogoro was then sleeping soundly on the ground and Shinichi giggling madly though hiccups, leaving a trail of destruction and of unfortunate fools in her wake. An then the bees in his head got angrier as he was on the ground too.

Luckily, Shinichi was just intoxicated enough to not hear of stitch of what she said screaming about. He could vaguely hear something about grease monkies, some profanity that made him blush though his already red cheeks, donkeys, and evil male habits.

Instead, he wisely decided to take that time to reflect on more important things, like toothpaste. And the hive of bees in his head that made the world go round. And how cute his childhood friend looked when she was blasted. He cheeks were all flushed and her face was all scrunched up and pretty-like, and confused. Like him! Only he wasn't drunk. He would grudgingly allowing himself to migrate from tipsy to slightly drunk, at worse. Anywho.

After a few more minutes of enraged screaming on Ran's part and extended ogling on Shinichi's, the other mysterious figure began to heave Kogoro to his feet. The lady of the bar did the same, for our hammered- sorry- slightly drunk, hero who just had to make things more difficult.

Even though she was was extremely strong, Ran had a tough time pulling Shinichi up. It didn't help matters that he was hollaring something inncohering through the hiccups and slur; nor did it help cool her rising temper.

"Shinichi, can you at least TRY to stand?" she snapped in his ear.

"-Hic- Ran-neechan it's not -hic- my -hic- bedtime yet!"

That certainly hit a for Ran nerve both figuratively and literally. Figuratively by the remembrance of her own father's ongoing drunken sprees and the whole Conan ordeal was a years ago. Literally that fat head of his was sinking into her shoulder blade at an awkward angle. In the middle of a public area, no less.

But if that was awkward, then what happened next was downright mortifying.

The alcohol induced high was deteiratiby fast, was straying into dehydration and fatigue and one hell of a migraine. Feeling the last of the dregs drip away, Shinichi dropped like an anvil unexpectedly, dragging Ran down with him. They landed in a hugging position with him on top, their legs entangled in a mess that couldn't be undone easily.

The surprise of impact and the loss of his rose colored glasses, Shinichi was sent into a wave of panic. Thrashing wildy, he desperately tried to grasp the situation.

"NO! YOU CAN'T TAKE HER!"

Ran's eyes softened as his grip around her waist tightened. 'He must be having a nightmare about Those People again.' "Shinichi... Honey, wake up." she gently prodded his shoulder to release her.

He grip became even more fierce. His face was already a mess from his "test" but now instead of happy and carefree, his face was ridden with fear and guilt. He looked near to tears.

"No! Not my sweet, lovely lemon pie..."

Her light smile froze on her face. Ran could practically FEEL the nerve snap. "Why you drunken son of a-" His head fell limp;so did most of her brain functions.

"Skzzzzzzz... Sleepy..." the detective muttered though something soft and warm. "These pillows are nice." he buried his head farther in, seeking the delicious warmth by seperating them.

Then as he was just about to fall asleep, he nose felt all runny. A mental shrug. Must be a fever of some sort.

Ran could barely stutter out a syllable. "Shi- SHINICHI!"

"Whaaaaaat?" he glanced up at her from his vantage point behind the pillows at, for some reason, her burgundy face, disoriented.

Then the was a click, soon followed by a flash. Somewhere above him a voice chucked, "Well, these should make the front pages. Like father like son!"

"Eh? What do you mean-"

"Shinichi, I love you with all my heart, but I have to do this. I'm sorry."

"Hah? Ack!" a throbbing pain blossomed in the back of his head. Before he could completely pass out he could hear one last thing before slipping into a pressure point induced sleep. It was stupid enough for his semi- sober mind to process and grin stupidly.

"Ya -hic- passed! Welcome to the family!"

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><p>This particular plunnie has been dying to come out for a looooong time. Stupid as it is, it's my stupid, so it's special. I'll leave it up to you detective wannabes to determine the mysteryfriends identity. Tried to make it genetic enough that it could be anyone. ;)<p>

Now, for the important AN- I need help deciding which multi-chap movie/ play inspired Magic Kaito/ Detective Conan fic. My good friend on deviantart, fluffynekochan demands i start the first one. But I need more input. It may not get started for a while but if I can get a clear idea of what the public wants then it be easier. Won't follow the same plot as the orginals but it should be somewhat close.

1. Magic Kaito/Detective Conan cast in...

The Phantom of the Opera

2. Magic Kaito-Detective Conan cast in...

The Pirates of the Carribean, Curse of the Black Feather

Or

3. Magic Kaito/Detective Conan cast in...

Taming of the Shrew

So which one?

No no this isn't another scheme to get more reviews- what possibly made you think that? *shifty eyes*

Regardless, I love feedback of all kinds, so never be a stranger!

LoL (Lots of Love)

Daydreamer1412


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